KindMindbyDana

What if the problem isn’t your resolutions,  but the way we’ve been taught to make them? Research consistently shows that most New Year’s resolutions don’t last,  and there’s a psychological reason why: Most resolutions are built on self-criticism and external pressure rather than genuine self-introspection and understanding. Many people set goals from a place of ‘ I’m not good enough’, which activates their threat response and makes sustainable change nearly impossible. We’re essentially trying to force ourselves into transformation through criticism - and this approach is far less effective than one rooted in self-compassion and values. This year, I’m trying something different. Instead of focusing on what to do to ‘improve myself’,  I’m pausing more  Noticing more  And observing who I’ve become - without judgment. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) , we call this decentering:  Stepping back from our thoughts and experiences, seeing them as ...

Between loss and grief, there is life. And it took me time to accept that. I’ve studied grief and learned the psychology behind it- everything from the Kübler-Ross model to what I’ve seen with my clients in therapy, and of course, what I’ve experienced myself. Grief is bottled-up love that can no longer be expressed, either because the person, place, or connection is out of reach - or gone entirely. I’ve experienced grief throughout my life and often reminded myself that the pain is temporary. But only recently have I truly understood that suffering is an inseparable part of life. It cannot be avoided, and it often shows up when we least expect it. I never imagined I would be unable to return to my house- my bedroom, my balcony. This fear, something I never acknowledged before, was unlocked in the past few months. I grew up hearing stories about war, and I even lived through the 2006 war. Back then, thanks to my still-developing frontal cortex, I mostly remembered the moments of...

Adult friendships aren’t as straightforward and easy to make as we wish them to be. Truth is, as adults, we need to have the intention and put in the effort to make and maintain these friendships. As children, making friends was easier because we spent more time together in school, neighborhoods, or even within our families (we call this in psychology the proximity effect). Not only that, but these encounters made us experience and share vulnerability as we unintentionally went through many difficult and meaningful moments together (Remember the stress before exams or the joy of being on the same football team?). These factors are essential for building the foundations of friendships - meaningful and deep connections. Did you know that adults who believe friendships don’t need effort reported feeling lonelier after 5 years compared to those who understand the effort required? So, Show up to the volunteering groups. Make time to have coffee with your friends. Say yes to the reun...

In our fast-paced world, we often feel the need to constantly be doing something productive.  But what if I told you that sometimes, the best thing you can do for your mind and body is... NOTHING? According to science, taking breaks and allowing ourselves moments of doing nothing can significantly enhance our well-being.  Here’s why: Mental Rejuvenation : Our brains need downtime to process information and consolidate memories. Doing nothing gives our minds the space to recharge and reset. Stress Reduction : Moments of stillness can reduce cortisol levels, helping to lower stress and anxiety. It’s a natural way to soothe the nervous system. Creativity Boost : Still moments allow our minds to wander, fostering creativity and problem-solving skills. Some of the best ideas come when we least expect them! Improved Focus : Taking regular breaks and doing nothing for a while can improve our concentration and productivity when we return to our tasks. Default Mode Network Activ...

We often notice that we have different selves; we might be silly with friends, romantic with partners, shy in public, and confident at home. This is normal. The more aware we are, the more we explore these different selves, allowing them to be. We refine and tune our behaviors to align with what we want while accepting the flaws we can't change. Many of us think we are self-aware. However, only a few truly are. There are simple and effective ways to improve our self-awareness: Mindfulness Meditation: Regular practice helps you observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment (also known as cognitive defusion in ACT). Journaling: Writing about your thoughts and experiences reveals patterns and insights. Self-Reflection: Regularly reflect on your actions and decisions to enhance self-understanding. Mindful Breathing: Focus on your breath to become more aware of your physical and emotional states. Cognitive Reframing: Practice noticing and changing negative thought pattern...

Ever written down 'works well under pressure' on your resume? Been there, done that. Truth is, it's a short-term fix, not a sustainable strategy. Despite the constant talk of optimization and thriving in the workplace, the reality is shocking. According to a Harvard Business Review study, only 32% of employees worldwide say they're thriving, while nearly 43% are facing daily stress levels that could lead to burnout. So, before you claim 'working under stress' as a badge of honor, pause and ask yourself: ‘Is this really a strength, or just a coping mechanism learned the hard way?’ As therapists, we can't guarantee our clients won't face tough managers, challenging projects, or overwhelming to-do lists. Our emphasis lies in helping them recuperate from stress, not just tolerate it. So, what exactly is recuperation? It's the art of recovering and bouncing back from stress. Imagine this: You've got a massive presentation next week. Its outcome could...