‘You Are Safe With Me’
Do you notice that certain people naturally make you feel more relaxed, while others tend to make you feel a bit tense or anxious?
✨Some call it 'vibes' or 'energy' – those unspoken feelings we pick up on.
As human beings, we're incredibly sensitive to subtle changes in how others feel.
It could be a tiny shift in their facial expressions, the tilt of their head, or what many refer to as 'body language.'
Our mirror neurons in the brain are like emotional detectives, picking up on what others are experiencing inside.
And, our own bodies respond to these cues.
Even our facial muscles give away our emotions, showing how calm or excited we are.
When our body senses the message ‘you are safe with me’, we tend to relax.
In the best relationships, we not only relax but also feel nurtured, supported, and rejuvenated, especially when we look into our partner's eyes!
🧬The Polyvagal theory, one of my favorite topics in psychology, helps us understand this emotional attunement and how it fosters a sense of safety and connection with others.
This theory suggests that our autonomic nervous system constantly assesses the safety of our environment and social interactions.
When we feel safe, the ventral vagal system is engaged, allowing us to connect and communicate effectively.
However, in situations of perceived danger, the system may shift to either the sympathetic ‘fight or flight’ mode or the dorsal vagal ‘shut down’ mode.
Understanding the Polyvagal theory can help us recognize our own emotional responses and those of others.
It provides insight into why people may react differently in various situations and how creating a safe and empathetic environment can foster emotional connection and healing.
This theory goes beyond the oversimplified ‘fight or flight’ response, offering a more nuanced understanding of how our bodies and minds respond to stress and social interactions.
It shows why sometimes we feel close to someone, and other times we might want to back away or even shut down.
So, the Polyvagal theory helps us see the many layers of our social beings and how our bodies react in relation to others or to specific situations and events!
By knowing this, we can learn to create safe and caring environments for better connections with others.
How can we reconnect with our body when it shuts down?
The key is: the M-word.
I'm sure you've come across the concept of mindfulness.
Often, there's a common misconception that mindfulness is all about relaxation, but that's not entirely accurate.
You see, being relaxed is a plus, but if you're feeling tense, that's perfectly okay too.
The true essence of mindfulness isn't just about relaxation; it's about staying aware of what's happening without getting too entangled in your thoughts (believing that you are what you think) or trying to avoid them.
🧘♀️Why don’t you try it now with me?
- Find a comfortable position. You can be seated in a chair or lying down on the floor.
- Close your eyes.
- Take a few breaths.
- Follow the steps in this 5-minute guided meditation by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
I'm not a mindfulness teacher or a meditation expert, but I have studied it through ACT, and I've personally practiced mindfulness by committing to meditation for two years now.
I started with just one minute and worked my way up to 30 minutes.
I can genuinely say that it made a positive change in my life.
My mood improved, my ability to concentrate increased, and I felt more grounded and in control, rather than being in a reactive or defensive state.
So, believe me, it's absolutely worth it.
Take home message:
If you're eager to learn more about mindfulness, I recommend following Hashim, who is deeply involved in its techniques and practices and offers a great course on the science behind mindfulness and how to incorporate it into our daily lives.
Yours truly,
Dana Berri
Kindness is not just a virtue, it's a way of life.
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