The Challenging, Yet Rewarding Path to Self love & Acceptance.

Although others may romanticize it, accepting ourselves is a challenging task.

Imagine waking up feeling down and realizing you have plans to catch up with your friends over coffee. You suggested this meet-up last month to spend quality time together, but now you don't feel like going. You look at yourself in the mirror and start criticizing your appearance, thinking 'Why did I wear this shirt? I should have gone to the gym last week. I don't want to talk about my relationship problems because nobody will understand.'

As you continue getting ready, these negative thoughts persist and you start blaming yourself for having them. It can feel like falling down a never-ending hole of negativity.

Think about how your hangout with friends would go in this situation.

You might already feel tense as you make your way there, and by the time you arrive, your guard is already up. And guess what? You can't handle any questions about your work, your partner, or even your morning routine.

When we don't love and accept ourselves, we tend to feel insecure, anxious, and unsure of ourselves. This can make us doubt others, worry about being rejected, or feel like we don't deserve love and respect.

We might struggle to express our feelings and set healthy boundaries, which can lead to unfulfilling or even toxic relationships

Self-acceptance is both challenging and beautiful.

It needs consistent work, efforts and commitment. Because it is not automatic, we actually have to work on it and put efforts as much, if not more, than any other relationship.

We must begin by admitting certain truths that we may not be comfortable with.

The truths that we have negative thoughts, we overthink, we mess up and might hurt others unintentionally- or intentionally. You admit that you probably made a fuss out of nothing when your friend was late, and that you can get defensive sometimes when people ask too many questions about your future career plans.

Self-acceptance involves embracing every aspect of yourself, including ALL your thoughts, feelings, and actions. It also means facing the difficult conversations you've had, the actions you took that you never thought you would, the promises you broke, and the moments of doubt and failure that arose unexpectedly.

Are we a bad person for feeling and thinking this way? Isn’t this selfish?

Of course not.

We're always told how important it is to make connections and build relationships with others, whether it's with friends, colleagues, or family members. But what we often forget is that the most important relationship we can have is with ourselves. Building a positive and loving relationship with ourselves is the foundation for all other relationships in our lives.

Self-acceptance allows you to recognize and embrace all aspects of yourself; both the positive and negative aspects of your identity, so you experience a sense of wholeness that is uniquely human.

Self-acceptance starts when:

1. We are aware of our unpleasant thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

2. We sit with them, and flexibly evaluate them (without judgement): was this a nice way of expressing that I was bothered? Could this hurt the other person?

3. We openly think of healthier way of behaving: what would I say next time I feel this way? How would I like to act?

Take home message:

Can you think of two situations where you tend to be hard on yourself and judge yourself?

How can you reframe/change your thoughts in those situations to practice unconditional self-acceptance, even in the face of your past mistakes and flaws?

Yours truly,

Dana

Kindness is not just a virtue, it's a way of life.