Breaking the Stigma: The Power of Acceptance and Compassion in Parenting Children with Special Needs and Mental Health Disorders

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How to know where to meet your child when they are struggling with emotional or special educational needs and difficulties?

In theory, the answer may seem straightforward: accept and support your child. However, in my experience working with parents, it can be much more challenging when it's your own child who is struggling. It's natural to question yourself and wonder if you did something wrong. It's common to ask yourself, 'Why is my child struggling? Is it just a phase or something I'll have to deal with forever?'. It can even be tempting to avoid the situation altogether and live in denial.

I can imagine how challenging it can be for parents to accept their child's special needs or mental health difficulties. It's common to feel overwhelmed and unsure about how to provide the best care for your child.

Before discussing how to support our children, it's important to address the insecurities that parents may feel. It's only natural that we strive to do everything in our power to provide the best possible life for our children. However, when our children experience challenges such as depression, anxiety, dyslexia, autism or ADHD, we may ask ourselves ‘Did we fail as parents?’

The answer is no.

I often refer to the biopsychosocial model, which helps to explain the complex interactions between psychological, biological, and social-cultural factors. This model applies to various processes, including special education and mental disorders. It's essential to understand that while our parenting styles are important, they are only one piece of the puzzle. Other factors such as personality traits, genetics, hormones, social expectations, and learning experiences also play a significant role in shaping our children's development.

It is very important to know that you're not alone in these feelings, and there are techniques that can help you develop acceptance and build a strong relationship with your child.

Let's break it down- Here are three ways to help parents navigate through such challenging times:

  1. Acceptance. We need to embrace our children for who they are, challenges and all. It doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to help them overcome their difficulties, but we need to focus on supporting them in a way that cater to their needs. Our jobs as parents and educators, is not to FIX our children- but to meet them where they are, as they are. In fact, acceptance can increase the child's self-esteem and resilience, which can help them navigate challenges and thrive! When we show our children that we trust them and accept them no matter what they are going through, they will learn to trust and accept themselves too!
  2. Psychoeducation. Learn about your child’s difficulties. This is a great way for parents to gain a deeper understanding and it helps them communicate more effectively with their child. Plus, it can decrease some of the guilt. 'What does dyslexia mean? Does it mean that my child cannot succeed in life? What are the specific areas in which my child will be struggling? How can I support my child at school and at home? Are there other techniques I should know about to support my child?
  3. Compassion. This goes for both the child and the parents. We're also constantly evolving and learning as parents. We're not flawless, and that's okay! Our aim could be to be good enough, to admit our weaknesses and ask for help when we need. As for the child, it's important to show them love and understanding, even when they're struggling. Ask them how they would like to be supported, what they like and what they want to be. At the end of the day, they still have many strengths and talents to be unlocked. They are not their disorders!

As someone who has worked tirelessly with individuals who have special needs or mental health difficulties, this topic is close to my heart. I have witnessed firsthand the incredible difference it makes when these children feel empowered, supported, and understood. When given the right resources, these children can thrive and achieve incredible things - it's no wonder they're referred to as ‘People of Determination’!

Take home message:

Instead of denying the challenges, talk about them, express your fears and thoughts and learn to distance yourself from them.

- What is the difficulty that you think your child is facing?

- What is the evidence that they are struggling?

- What are your thoughts and feelings about it? (You think that you failed because your daughter is struggling in school, BUT you are not a failure! These are only thoughts, not facts)

- What actions did you take? Did you check with a specialist?

Most importantly, don't forget to be kind to yourself and your child 🙏

Yours truly,

Dana 

Kindness is not just a virtue, it's a way of life.

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